Mar 16

Mar 16 Improve Your SMV With Fun And Games [Activity]

Self Improvement, dating and marriage is serious business, but sometimes we take it too seriously.

It's also supposed to be fun. It should be enjoyable. If you are finding the challenge of meeting new people, or improving your SMV to be overwhelming, maybe the problem is that you are not having fun doing it.

Being overly serious tends to affect men more than woman. The masculine mind is goal oriented, serious and focused on accomplishing things. For many of our core missions in life, that's exactly what's needed. Historically, men need to get stuff done or everyone dies. Unproductive men are not valued by society.

Women on the other hand are oriented towards young children. Everything about them is optimized to have and care for small, playful, humans. Because of this women are generally more play oriented than outcome oriented. Women need play to be happy.

You don't miss what you never knew

To build motivation we need to remind ourselves of the positive aspects of the life we are working to create. Unfortunately for many people these positive aspects are foreign to them.

If you have never seen a happy marriage up close then it's hard to imagine how fulfilling it is. Being married to the right person and having children is truly wonderful. It makes everything else you ever did seem boring and unimportant. The joy and security you receive from having a constant companion who is 100% on your side, seeking your pleasure and happiness at all times is incomparable.

(for men: Also it's nice to have someone who will love and asore you, care for you by cleaning your house, make your food, give you back rubs, kiss away the stress of life, be your cheerleader, etc.)

(for women: Also it's wonderful to have someone to keep you safe, provide security and emotional stability to your life.)

If you have never had a friend that you could completely rely on and feel comfortable with it may be hard to see the value in expanding your social circle and making new friends. Positive social pressure from people who love you is one of the biggest life improvers imaginable. Being part of a group, having roots and identity gives you strength and security. It plants you firmly so that no one can really harm you.

If you have only ever had crappy jobs that you hate or only worked with people you can't stand then its hard to imagine the joy of working on something truly meaningful for you with people that you care about. The pleasure and satisfaction derived from following a grand quest, a life's purpose is one of the fundamental things that brings humans pleasure.

If you have always been out of shape its hard to imagine the pleasure of being healthy. Getting physically fit is better than any drug. The feeling post workout is amazing. Being strong and healthy gives a confidence and energy boost that can't be beat.

You need to get a taste of these benefits so that they can help to motivate you to move forwards in your life. You need to see the reality of a pleasurable existence so as to overcome the negative propaganda about marriage, family and self improvement.

Play is important

Play is an integral part of the human experience for both sexes. Is social, it relaxes people, it's enjoyable and it helps us to experiment with new ways of being. We might even say that dating or courtship is “playing” at being married. You can get a taste of the joys of romantic love.

When we spend time courting someone we are experimenting with our mutual social compatibility. We want to know if this person is someone that we can spend the rest of our lives with.

Women tend to score higher on the neuroticism scale than men. Because of this they are attracted to men who can provide the stress relief of humor, playful experiences and fun. Such a man is a real asset in difficult times.

Men also need play as a stress reliever. Sometimes that takes the form of “guy time”, sports, hunting, fishing, cards, etc. Other times we want to play with our family. A woman that can be both an encouraging cheerleader and a positive playmate will surely be treasured by her man.

Dating and Courtship

Men, when you approach women you will get far more positive responses if you have a mix of seriousness and playfulness. You need to know how to project happy, positive emotions that signal assertiveness and strength.

The man that is comfortable in his life is more capable of laughing and playfully attracting women. In turn, one key to being more comfortable and reducing negative emotions is to be more playful. It's a virtuous cycle. Engage in regular play and you will become more attractive to women.

When you ask a woman out, ask her to do something fun with you. This is much easier if you are already planning to do fun things in your life. It should be something that you both find fun. Discussing which fun activity to take her on in your dating support groups (Wolf Packs) is a great idea.

On your date, be fun, spontaneous and relaxed. Women take their behavioural cues from the man in the room that they most trust. If you are on edge it will make them feel unsafe and give them anxiety. They don't want to be near a man that's accentuating their natural, pre existing neuroticism.

If you are not used to interacting in a playful and relaxed environment you are not suddenly going to become a natural when you go on a date. You need to engage in weekly or daily play. Check the activity at the bottom of this post for more information about what makes a truly PLAYFUL experience.

Expanding your social circles

Everyone wants positive, upbeat friends. We tend to avoid depressing or anxious people.

When you were a kid it was easy to meet people because you could play with them. Even as an adult one of the best ways to meet good people is engage in play. Find adult, fun and wholesome shared activities to share with potential friends. Ideal activities will exclude non-compatible people and create a regular mix of new opportunities for friendship.

Smile at people. You may not feel like it. Do it anyway. Pretty soon you start getting your positivity reflected back at you. That will stimulate your happiness.

Smile - By Charlie Chaplin

Smile though your heart is aching

Smile even though it's breaking

When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by

If you smile through your fear and sorrow

Smile and maybe tomorrow

You'll see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness

Hide every trace of sadness

Although a tear may be ever so near

That's the time you must keep on trying

Smile, what's the use of crying?

You'll find that life is still worthwhile

If you just smile

That's the time you must keep on trying

Smile, what's the use of crying?

You'll find that life is still worthwhile

If you just smile

Career

Nobody wants to work with a boring stick in the mud or an uptight asshole. Yes, you do need to take your career seriously, however you also need to make working with you enjoyable.

Executives and skilled professionals typically engage in group play to build bonds, hone their competitive edge and test compatibility of new members to the group. Poker night, strategy games, golf, shooting, sailing etc. are the type of things that work very well as bonding exercises.

If you are invited to such activities and you want to progress in your career you should not refuse. In fact, be a leader in setting up such events.

When you go in for a job interview be congenial, jovial, friendly and playful. Find ways to demonstrate that you are going to be enjoyable to work with. Demonstrate that you have the ability to engage in the serious play of problem solving and innovation that is so needed in the modern work environment. Make the interview as fun for the interviewer as possible.

Physical fitness

You don't need to suffer to get fit. Find fun ways to get the positive sensations of fitness. Start small, stop when it hurts. Create a positive feedback loop in your body and mind about fitness. Reprogram yourself into enjoying things that are good for you.

Go out and play some simple sports or join an MMA gym. Do something that's fun, physical and social. What's important is to get started. Later, once you are feeling the joys of exercise you may want to try more hard core things.

Scott Adams discusses fitness and how to program yourself into new habits.

Activity Challenge

Some people like to say that “life is suffering”. Well, thats mostly bull shit. Life is wonderful. Its pleasurable. Its joyful. If you are not getting all the positive motivation out of life it might just be because you need to play more.

To improve your SMV and create the life you want you need to DO THINGS and to sustain that effort you need to ENJOY the things you do. Suffering is not sustainable for most of us.

The Challenge

Lets get us all doing something starting right away. During the next month plan 1 to 4 fun and playful activities that increase your SMV and meet the following characteristics: